Flagellation to Clense the Mind of Evil.

04.29.2006

Come on Eileen, Oh I swear (what I mean),
At this moment, you mean everything.
With you in that dress, my thoughts I confess,
Verge on dirty. Ah, come on Eileen.

Flog. Flog. Flog. Thank you sir, may I have another?

Is It Art Yet?

04.26.2006

Linux Can Kiss My Ass

04.22.2006

Linux isn’t widespread or popular because they make it so goddam difficult for new people to figure out how to get it or learn how to use it. They’re all refered to by nicknames and jargon so a google search for YellowDox will not lead you to the Yellow Dog Linux site without a shit load of guesswork and investigation. Once you’re there, there’s no real clue as to what you need to download, but you click on an ISO that’s named right for what it seems you need… and it’s 50KB. Shit, I’ve written term papers bigger than that. This cannot be the powerful thing that’s going to make me wonder how I ever used Windows before Linux came along.

So I’m not wasting my CD stock on something that’s probably not even the fucking file I need. One more time almost trying Linux down the toilet. Maybe next time. (I’ll stick it in the drawer with Lindows and SUSE which I actually paid for and it never worked when I tried to install it on a virgin computer.)

I’m no idiot. I was fucking up and fixing my autoexec.bat file since before I knew long division. If I can’t figure out how to find, get, load and use something that does everything that windows does and perhaps does it as easily and as well as Windows does, then it probably doesn’t need found, gotten, loaded or used.

…but I FEEL like an idiot. People who advise I try Linux make it sound so simple, and I don’t know if they take for granted that I should know what the fuck to do after the first prompt comes, and I certainly don’t know how stupid it makes me look if I ask question after question after question until it gets to the point where they can only answer with the same thing they just said, but a little louder and slower and I still don’t know why I’m /MNT/’ing something or why I’m asking it to be verbose when it does it.

For any other use than driving a computer that a home user has no conceivable reason to ever go past a simple user interface, Linux is just a novelty application for making geeks feel better about themselves because I can get more tail than them.

Also, BIG fuck you to anyone who has ever offered advice of “download this linux distro” without any further advice such as “download the distro from THIS LINK RIGHT HERE because there’s no way you’ll find it on your own” and maybe “burn it to a disc using this program because it’s a TAR file” or “when you load it type in the following commands” leaving the poor user with a black screen, a flashing cursor and no fucking idea what god awful combination of /dev/moop/ &,  *F /v “\\u peen/quwinkie will get the desired result.

Go to Hell, Poll Creator.

04.21.2006

1. Can you tap dance?
I can rythmically stomp my heels and toes. I thought that said “lap dance” initially. Coincidently, the answer is the same.
2. Do you own a pair of see-through underwear?
I’m wearing them right now… which is to say, not wearing them.

3. What color is the sky today?
Color is in the eye of the colorsighted. (So, like blue, with clouds)

4. Do you own a classic brown teddy bear?
No

5. Is your favorite holiday Christmas?
Not really

6. Is there a candle by you?
As a hobby candlemaker, I can say this house has at least 5 candles by me. (I’m a smart-ass.) One is mint.

7. If you had an iPod mini, what color would you have?
Whatever color the non-Apple competitor brand is.
8. What song are you listening to?
Why presume I’m listening to a song? Couldn’t I be watching TV? Couldn’t I be watching Animal Planet?

9. Is it your favorite song?
No one has a favorite song. I like Boy’s Don’t Cry. Cemetary Polka. Yeah, that’s all I feel like listing. 

10. How many MySpaces have you had?
People have more than one? Oh, I guess they have. I’ve had one, but maybe I will make one for GreenCircuits.com.

11. Have you ever made a MySpace survey?
I should.

12. Are you wearing any jewelry?
Does a watch count?

13. Where does your grandma live?
Ashville and Dirtburg respectively.

14. Are you an angry drunk?
Angry drunks are the worst. No wait. Bitchy drunks are the worst. I’m a happy drunk. 
15. Do you prefer pen or pencil?
Pencil. Always pencil. If I have a sharpener nearby, it has to be the old yellow kind, but without the yellow. The old non-yellow yellow kind. 

16. Are you wearing any deodorant?
Let me check. Not enough clearly.

17. Ever been in an earthquake?
Yeah, a couple.

18. Is your birthday this month?
No

19. Do guys suck?
Guys suck. No wait, sweeping generalizations of genders is wrong. That’s why man-bashing feminists are evil. Androgynism is the way to go.

20. Are you afraid of the dentist?
He always charges too much.

21. Do you know exactly what car you want?
A modded hybrid with a custom battery bank, modified hybrid algorithms and a plug to plug it in at night.

22. Have you ever bought something off of eBay?
Like you wouldn’t believe. I have a thermal shipping label printer coming soon.

23. Ever seen Boy Meets World?
Yes.

24. Own a locket?
No.

25. Did you share a locker in high school?
I didn’t use lockers. If it didn’t fit in my bag, I didn’t need it.

26. Ever dissected anything in high school science class?
Every biology class we were told we’d have to disect something. A worm, a mouse, a shark, a frog, a fetal pig… every year we never got to.

27. Ever had a referral?
Are we talking like the GP sending you to a specialist? Then yes. Are we talking word of mouth advertizing? Yes again.

28. Still play with legos?
I wish. Those things are fucking expensive. I would if I had them.

29. Do you know when Easter is?
The first Sunday after the first full moon of spring or something. He is Risen… and he wants BRAAAAAIIIIIIINS!!!

30. Last time you wrote a note?
On the grease-board yesterday.

31. Ever been on a cruise?
Cruise ships are bad for the environment and seem about as fun as staying in a hotel that you can’t leave.

32. Ever gotten pregnant by someone on a cruise?
What the fuck?

33. Dyed your hair?
Oh yeah.

34. Do you like your handwriting?
To sloppy.

35. Do you eat?
I’ll assume that means vagina. Mmmm… vagina.

36. Are you wearing lotion?
No

37. Last time you talked on the phone?
Robin from Lagunitas Brewing wanted me to pick up 2 iMacs, a CPU and 2 monitors (one of which was actually a TV/VCR Combo.)

38. Do you know Victorias secret?
Oh yeah. The secret is she changes the patterns on her 5 for $20 panties every month so girls want more of them.

39. Are you nice?
Too nice for my own good.

40. Ever been in love?
Too in love for my own good.

41. What were you last Halloween?
Dead kitty.

42. Ever met a midget?
I have, but I’ve always wanted one in my posse.

43. Ever been to Cuba?
No. Countries that the U.S. doesn’t have a good relationship with seem scary if some bad shit were to go down.

44. Ever cut yourself shaving?
Usually it involves carving a zit off accidently.

45. Ever owned an exotic pet?
Tropical fish, crawdads.

46. Is it your birthday?
No.

47. Is it someone elses birthday?
I imagine that it’s at least .3% of the population’s birthday.

48. Had a good day?
It was alright. Out of the blue my second favorite brewery called me for a computer salvage job. I snagged maybe $80 worth of resale value.

49. How long did this take you?
Go to hell, poll creator.

Some Thoughts on Business

04.17.2006

Now that I’ve done some graphics and websites for some people it seems like EVERYONE is asking me to do work for them. A flyer here, a logo there. Maybe a brochure or a business card or a new fully functional online PDF solution called soda pdf.

I love the work. This is fun. I get to be creative and I get to work with people and the keep telling me what they want and when I’m done they have exactly what they want and I feel really good every time.

But then it comes time to discuss price…

I always feel uncomfortable. I know what real people in this line of work make. I know what they charge for a job or a stretch of time. Asking for money makes me feel guilty, especially since a lot of these people are friends. (And if they weren’t friends the first time I met them, I’d like to think they’re friends the second time.)

I’ve done a lot of horrible jobs in my life. I did them and I accepted what they paid me. So if I can make styrofoam cups for 12 hours a night making $7 an hour… if I can tackle violent children at a group home for $10… if I can get shouted at and verbally abused (by both surly drug addicted teenage boys, and surly recovering addict bosses) at the culver city drug rehab… if I was willing to work all night unloading boxes at target, cooking meat at Jack-in-the-Box with the best Ivy and Wilde home accessories, impaling chickens at Boston Market, cleaning out the overloaded trash compactor behind the movie theater all for minimum wage, then what right to I have to charge rediculous amounts for something that I love to do? With Martina who owns a vintage clothing store, it was easy. I talked to her and her manager and they told me that they don’t have a great deal of money and asked what I would charge. I asked what they would pay me if I was running the register or straightening the racks. They said about $10 an hour, “that’s probably not enough, huh?” So I told them about all my jobs that I hated and what I made for each of them. So I make $10 an hour as the IT guy for Moxie Vintage Clothing and Art Gallery.

I also feel guilting charging more than I’d be willing to pay for something, which is generally not very much. It’s like “Geez, I wouldn’t pay $400 for a custom logo. Hey Martina, can I have that vest and that cute dress for Alia and we can call it even?”

Ever since I can remember, my dream has been to own a business. I couldn’t have been more than 4 or 5 when I noticed my dad shaved with his safety razor a lot, and realized all hairy men probably need to shave and that I would fill that niche by being a “shaver seller.” It was very cute, and my family still rips on me about that one. So now that I am doing this computer recycling gig, I load up my car and look at all the money I can make off of selling this stuff (or the use I can get from keeping it myself) and I always thank them and say “no charge.” I’ve had people who clearly wanted to pay me that I said nope, just tell your friends about me and that’s payment enough.

Maybe, if this hinderance doesn’t stunt my business too much and I can afford to expand, the first person I will hire will be someone who’s not interested in friendship and approval and will know how to say “no” to some people and “pay me” to others.

So, my life-long dream was to own a business, and now that I’m up to bat I realize that maybe I’m not cut out for all this capitalism bullshit.

From MoxieStore.com

04.16.2006

I’m almost done with the site if you don’t count the store part of it which will take quite a bit of work. Here’s the photo from the front page.

Credit is Out To Get Me

04.08.2006

Just when I was $150 away from paying off a $3000 credit card they raised my limit to $7000.

Damn, That Martina Throws a Good Shindig (Part 2, Electric Boogaloo)

04.08.2006

I’m so glad Martina made a dance night on Fridays. I could never go to Rock and Roll Sunday School because I had early classes in the morning.

I had a lot of fun, the sound in there is great and the DJs have great taste in music. (Or Martina has great taste in DJs.)

Martina even bought me a drink, and while I don’t remember, I think Meredith’s boyfriend Ricky did too.

 

Also, as a side note or observation or though or something, I hate when strangers offer me hits from the pipe just because I’m standing there. I feel rude smoking other people’s stuff when they just met me. I feel that I’m taking advantage of their politeness.

Yet Another MySpace Survey

04.07.2006

1. WOULD YOU GET BACK WITH YOUR EX IF YOU COULD?
All my ex’s were terrible to me, or in the case of Rema, I was terrible to her. I’m not sure that would be healthy. But a quick roll in the hay some afternoon with no expectations for later, I’d be more than happy with for just about any ex. 

2. WHAT KIND OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
I am not wearing a shirt. I’m sitting in the kitchen in my boxers, trying to get motivated to get shit done today. 

3. HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIEND’S LIST?
Alia. I was going to say Amber and Rema, but they haven’t added me as friends, because they have lives and never check Myspace. The night is still young, who says I won’t have made out with half my list by the time this question gets asked again. (Will, Tyrone… I’m looking at you.)
4. DO YOU HAVE “A THING” FOR ANYONE ON YOUR TOP 8?
Well, I am with my number one person, but other than her, yes and that makes me a bad person. 
5. HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
41 out of 55 if you count cats and stores.
7. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT TO HAVE?
I always think 2 or 3 is a nice number, then a friend will bring their obnoxious children over, or there will be some obnoxious kid at the DMV and I’m worried that I couldn’t love something that pisses me off as much as obnoxious, dumb, loud children do. If it could be guaranteed that I’d get quiet, nerdy, book-smart children, I would like 3 in some combination of the 2 sexes.

8. DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS?
Not really.
9. DO YOU MAKE OVER 40K A YEAR?
If you’re talking Canadian dollars, no. Well, last year I was, but not this year. Now if you’re talking Yen, I believe I making about that right now, yes.
11. WHAT NAME WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE BESIDES THE ONE YOU HAVE?
Cory “Sparky” Sparks, all night radio DJ and voice actor.
12. WOULD YOU EVER MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX?
Short answer: Probably not. Guys are mostly icky and girls are mostly nice.
Long answer: I don’t know. I haven’t met a man that wasn’t too gross or unattractive to make out with, but that doesn’t mean I should shut out 47% of the potential love pool just becaue we both have penises. That said, I’d hate to give up boobies, those ticklish spots above the hips,  and orgasms from oral sex that don’t involve getting shot in the eye. I’m probably just too girl-crazy to be an effective bisexual.
If money was involved, all bets are off. I’ll make out with who-ever for however long for enough money.13. WHAT IS YOUR MOTHER’S NAME?
Kathryn A. (Gorman) Dorrough
14. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BDAY?
Dinner, presents, hung out with Alia.
15. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
An mp3 file of a phone ringing.
16. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP?
Noon
17.WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT TWO NIGHTS AGO?
Homework

18. HOW MANY EX’S ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
None.

19. DO YOU LIKE HAVING YOUR HAIR PULLED?
Who the fuck likes having thier hair pulled?

22. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT TO DO.
Have sex with someone who wants to have sex.

23. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM?
Last month.

24. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLINGS?
I try to avoid my sibblings because they remember hating me as a child so they feel they can be judgemental assholes now that I’m an adult.

25. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?
I wish that for all my desires to help people, that just once I could actually help someone.

26. IF YOU HAD $250,000…HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?
Invest it in a brick and mortar computer recycling and used computer parts center and expand my free computers for local schools and non-profits program.

7. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AT YOUR CURRENT JOB?
My current job is a start-up computer recycling company that I run out of my house and on Ebay. When people as where I work, I point to the vynil lettering on the back window of my car and say “I work at the sign in the back of my car.”

HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO TOM?
There is no Tom. There is only an evil News Empire that pretends Tom is real so they can blame him and appologize on his behalf when myspace.com fucks up.

29. LAST PERSON YOU CALLED?
Some recycling customer about a monitor.

30. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Oatmea

l31. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE MONTH?
June
32. YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MONTH?
March. Nothing good happens in March.
33. WHAT’S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED FROM ANYONE?
I used Richard’s shoes to go outside a few weeks ago. I used Lindsay’s panties as a hat when she wasn’t home. That Ichigo looks cute in a panty hat. (Am I kidding?)

34. WHO IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RIGHT NOW?
People who don’t recycle their computers with me.

35. MOST VISITED WEBPAGE?
Tie between TiVoCommunity, Myspace.com and TCrebel.com. I check them every time I’m online.

36. LAST PERSON YOU TEXT MESSAGED?
A dime for something I could say with words out loud for free? Fuck you.
37. LAST PERSON THAT MADE YOU SAD?
Alia makes me sad all the time.
38. WOULD YOU TAKE A BULLET FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Well, Coor’s Light is a little gross, but if you’re my friend, I suppose I’d take it.
39. FAVORITE TYPE OF DRINK?
Liquers
40. FAVORITE FOOD?
Sushi

41. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Boston Creme Pie

42. HAVE YOU BEEN TO EUROPE?
Ew… europe.

44. IF SOMEONE YOU HATED DIED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
“Go to the viewing, defile their corpse, rape their mother, and possibly eat all of the food at their wake.”
I was going to put my own answer, but Lindsay’s answer fit me perfectly.

45. DO YOU OWN A CAMERA PHONE?
Who gives a shit about that? What a stupid last question. What the hell is wrong with these survey writers? (Yes.)