Half-Eaten Sponge Cake

06.25.2006

I remember everything about last night.

I remember having a couple beers and waiting for Meredith to call.
I remember asking for a ride to the bar.
I remember riding to the bar on Alia’s bike.
I remember hanging out at the bar with Mere and Lindsay.
I remember asking the bartender for your cheapest cheap-ass beer.
I remember it was Pabst Blue Ribbon, if I know my cheep ass beers.
I remember ordering a couple more.
I remember having a gin and tonic.
I remember walking to the gas station with Ricky and buying a day-old apple fritter at 50% off.
I remember having one last PBR at last call.
I remember speeding home on Alia’s bike.
I remember taking a leak in a dark corner of a public park.
I remember getting home.
I remember turning on the mist setting on the sprayer hose because riding had made me hot.
I remember enjoying being soaked in my clothes.
I remember making a meatball sub.
I remember standing at the sink downing three or four glasses of water.
I remember going to bed.
I remember grumbling and swearing because whenever the alcohol makes me feel this good, I get a hang-over.
I remember waking up, relieved I’d left a bottle of water on the cill and that I didn’t get a hang over.

What I don’t remember is how this half-eaten shortcake cup wound up on my pillow in the morning.

He’s Crafty

06.23.2006

I’m selling a line of jewelry at Moxie made of old computer components. Pictures to follow.

06.20.2006

50 Questions…

1. So, what did you do all day?:
I wasted my morning, had eggs benedict for lunch, went to a digital photography class and mailed a package.

2. What is the most expensive thing you’ve bought recently?
Rent and deposit on my office/place I sleep. 

3. Last concert (or show) you attended:
If show can mean play, I saw By the Skin of Our Teeth recently.

4. Coolest thing you’ve gotten in the mail lately:
200 earring hooks so I could make stuff to sell at Moxie.

5. Discribe your favorite artical of clothing:
I don’t have any articals, but my favorite article of clothing is a gray vest from a thrift store, with a close second being penny loafers from the same store.

6. Last video game played:
Mario Golf (WAAAAAAY more fun than it sounds.)

7. How many CDs do you have by any ONE artist or group?:
Well, if you count MP3s I have about everything Tom Waits ever did. Otherwise I have 3 Johnny Cash albums, 3 Oingo Boingo albums and 3 Tom Waits albums.

8. What’s for dinner?:
Rum and soy milk with a kiwi garnish.

9. Do you have any collections?:
I collect collections. Or I used to… Business cards, rocks, hot wheels, McDonald’s toys, baseball cards, hawaiian shirts, books, dirt. The dirt one was cool. I got some dirt from in front of the home dugouts of Candlestick and the Colliseum (ew… Skoal spit.), hawaiian sand, Yellowstone soil and about every city or locale I ever visited.

10. What was the last board game you played?:
Apples to Apples

11. Who won?:
I don’t remember, but Alia usually wins.

12. Do you subscribe to any magazines?
Popular Science, Popular Mechanics, TV Guide, Entertainment Weekly, Eweek, Newsweek… I’m sure there are others.   Magazines are important.  I like to read, but I just can’t get into books.

13. Last movie you saw at a theater:
The DaVinci Code is over-rated.

14. Last movie you watched at home:
Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind

15. Do you have any special traditions only you or your family does?
Ciopino on Xmas eve.

16. What was the last thing you created:
Some earrings made of electronic parts to sell at Moxie.

17. Are you reading any books right now?:
The Truth with Jokes, by Al Franken.

18. Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?:
I like what Ona wrote [below] but I will add Mike Mulligan (and his Steamshovel Marianne) and In the Night Kitchen, which is by the Wild Things Guy.

Where the Wild Things Are, Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs, Goodnight Moon, James & the Giant Peach, Boxcar Children, anything by Shel Silverstein.

19. What do you do when you can’t fall asleep?:
Take Benedryl, drink and/or masturbate.

20. Have you ever randomly bumped into a actor/actress/or other generally famous person on the street?:
Tom Waits in a Radio Shack. I didn’t say anything. 

21. Are you more likely to read a book you’ve never read before if it’s been made into a movie?:
I don’t read a lot of books, but once I saw the movie, I don’t really feel the need to read the book anymore.

22. Have you discovered what podcasts are yet? Do you have a favorite?:
A bunch of my friends on TivoCommunity.com make their own podcasts, so I listen.

23.What is your favorite kind of food that you only get to have once a year:
Egg nog

24. What’s that noise?:
I dunno, but now I’m creeped out. Why ya gotta scare a brutha like that?

25. Last dvd box set you bought?:
I burned Firefly, but paying for DVDs is a waste of money. I prefer theft of intelectual property.

26. Are there any musical artists that you used to like but don’t anymore because their style of music changed too much?:
Oh, yeah. No doubt.  In fact, ANY Ska band that ever fired their horn section to keep up with popular music deserves to die.

27. Are there any covers you think are better than the original?
There’s this band out of oakland that did a cover of Leonard Cohen’s Halelujia that sounded pretty awesome. Just about anyone who covers a Bob Dylan song or Tom Waits song improves upon the sound.

28. What food(s) do you go to the store for ASAP when you run out?:
Sourdough bread, cat chow.

29. Isn’t there another appropriate response for “I love you”:
“Right back attcha.”, “No you don’t.”, “Eeeeeeeek”.    Once upon a time I wrote on a small slip of paper “I love you” in German to a girl I liked and stuck it in her suitcase as she left for Germany for a year. It took her 14 months for her to talk to me again.

30. Last new artist that you listened to and really liked:
Everyone look up Lily Allen and listen to Knock ‘Em Out.

31. Last new one you hated:
Most of them.

32. In which country do you wish you’d been born?
Canada

33. When was the last time you were scared shitless?:
Shit… when was the last time I wasn’t?

34. Do you like it when old ladies refer to you as “Dear”, or “Hon”, or “Sugar”?:
Only if she’s single.

35. What is your favorite physical flaw:
I like the little pointy tummy women get when they’re not anorexic.

36. Share random fact about yourself:
I have terrible tinnitus.

37. What’s the best field trip you ever went on?:
I dunno. Band tour? It was kind of shitty. I never had a great one.

38. Have you ever dressed up for Halloween at work?:
As often as I can.

39. Do you have any clothes that you pilfered or inherited from your parents?:
I would kill for my Dad’s cowboy tux, but alas… no.

40. How old is “old” to you?:
70

41. What was the last free thing you’ve gotten?:
The phonebook… no wait. Someone dropped off two rack-mount CD players and a VCR on my porch at work. Anyone want those?

42. What’s your favorite black and white movie?:
Pi or Dr. Strangelove

43. What color would you like to bleed?:
Purple like the Klingons in Star Trek 6.

44. Do you know any Furries?:
Not ones that I know of. It would be totally hot if Martina dressed up like a ferret, but that’s a topic for another survey.

45. If you have a wall calender, what kind is it?:
Plain old boring desk blotter.

46. Have you ever been to a convention?:
Everything from Star Trek to E3.

47. If you were to dress up as a musician, which one would you be?:
As a musician, I would cheat as dress as myself.

48. Do you have a thing about ruining new stuff by personalizing?:
No… I have a thing about ruining new stuff by getting it dirty, ripping it or breaking it.

49. Ever have those moments when you realize that you somehow just cheated death?:
Not really. I don’t believe in fate or a grand plan. People just die when something kills them.

50. Does it boggle your mind?:
No, but you know what’s a good game? Boggle. If you ever find your own name, it’s 10,000 points. It’s a real rule. Read the box.

Mac Cooties

06.20.2006

I found my digital photography class. Apparently ART83 is not in the art hall.

I’m here on a Mac… in a MAC LAB!!! Ewwwwww.

Birthday Boy

06.19.2006

Last time I saw you I was holding your hand,
And I couldn’t wait for you to leave.
I knew right then that it was over and done,
And I couldn’t believe that I was free.

Help me now,
I’m going down,
And I don’t know if I’ll be ok.
I’ll be around,
I’ll be in town,
If you need a place to stay.

When the wind blows and there’s a chill in the air,
I hope that someone is taking care of you.
I’m alright, yeah, I’m really ok.
Just so you know I’m always there for you.

Help me now, I’m going down,
And I don’t know if I’ll be ok.
I’ll be around, I’ll be in town,
If you need a place to stay.

I Was a Lot Happier When I Was Sad

06.17.2006

Every time we talk about the future of the relationship it leads to a fight. I go into freak-out mode and accuse her of things. Every time this happens she’s more and more over me. Today she admitted that she doesn’t find me attractive any more. She doesn’t know if we’ll work out or if she even wants that.

I have no more patience for her “I don’t know how” excuses. Well, figure it out, because you won’t take my advice. I must still love her though, because it pains me that I have no faith she ever will try to fix herself. I always thought it was her being manipulative when I would ask her to do something different and she’d twist it so I was unappriciative of her efforts in other areas of our relationship. I guess not, because manipulative people generally want you to stay, not leave.

I think our relationship is like an old house. It’s so expensive fixing burned out light bulbs, patching holes in the wall and hammering down loose nails that she can’t afford the new roof we need, unless you get affordable professionals from different sites like http://www.palmbeachroofingexpert.com/royal-palm-beach-roofing/. I hate that I’m needy. I hate that it’s so much effort to love me day to day that she has nothing left to work on things that need done for the relationship. I ask too much of her. She’s my only real friend, my secret keeper, my sous chef, my lover, my life coach, my cheerleader, my activity partner, my secretary and my district manager. She’s been trying harder lately, doing things like going on walks with me, even though she hates them. I don’t know if I really do bother her to go out and do stuff with me constantly, or she’s just exagerating, but I think that’s one reason she’s tired of me.

Part of me knows that this is her problem and her fault for not fixing it, but the other part knows that if I was worth being with she would have no trouble finding a way to fix it. It makes me feel worthless and unloved to hear “I don’t know how to deal with it, so I’m not going to.”

I don’t know how to run a business. Time will tell if I will learn, but fuck, I am trying.

She wasn’t so sick of me until I started standing up for myself. I was a lot happier when I was sad. Now I can’t go back.

Part of me knows that I’m the one not getting what I deserve and that Alia should do whatever it takes to give me what I need. Part of me knows that if Alia doesn’t feel it, she doesn’t really owe me shit.

The part of me that knows I’m being selfish and unreasonable can’t get Willie Nelson out of his head.

“Maybe I didn’t love you quite as often as I could have and maybe I didn’t treat you quite as good as I should have.  If I made you feel second best, girl, I’m sorry I was blind. But you were always on my mind.  You were always on my mind. Maybe I didn’t hold you all those lonely, lonely times and I guess I never told you I’m so happy that you’re mine.   Little things I should have said and done; I just never took the time.  You were always on my mind.  You were always on my mind.  Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died.  Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied.  I’ll keep you satisfied.”

I want a helicopter to crash into this office. I won’t feel it, and I’ll be in the paper tomorrow.

Loner

06.15.2006

I was just remembering back to my german class in Jr. high. The teacher, as a learning exercize would make up quiz show questions and divide the class in half for a nice game. Some questions were about german. Some were about Germany. Some where just fun trivia. The first one of the year went like that, and I knew most of the answers for my team and my team won. I made a joke that I could beat the class myself. So the next time, it was me against the rest of the class. We did a bunch of Cory vs. The Class games, and I only lost once. I sure liked getting the attention and it was a funny running gag, but secretly I just wanted everyone to say “I want him on MY team.”

My Birthday

06.13.2006

I almost had the perfect birthday.

I spent it with people I love, and the person I love the most. I did things I liked and was even treated to a movie. (I also got the opportunity to sulk in my shop, like I wanted.)

Alia made me a cake, and that was very special because normally no one asks what kind of cake I like and she made a perfect one. It was moist and chocolately, it had thick, fudge-like frosting strawberries on top and in the center and a filling of jelly.

After the movie, Alia’s sister invited me out to a bar to meet some friends and she’d buy me a birthday drink. It sounded like fun, and very unlike my other depressing birthdays so I invited Alia to come with me.

She didn’t want to go. She was tired and didn’t think it was going to be much fun.

What the fuck?

I had been whining for a week about how depressed I was about this birthday and how my past birthdays have always sucked and my girlfriend of five years will not even follow me to a bar for half an hour before we have some cake?  So we fought… on my birthday.

I told her she was the most selfish person I’d ever met and she was a waste of five years. I hate myself.

Before that neither of us were sure what our future with each other would be, but I think that was a sign she’s done with me.

I take too much work.

Why I Hate June 13th

06.12.2006

My 25th birthday.100 seasons alive and very little to show for it. That’s depressing.Also, historically birthdays have been very disappointing. I never got to spend them how I wanted when I was growing up, and most of the birthdays I can remember began with my mother yelling at me like it was any other day. 24 times I’ve had a birthday and every calls it “your special day” and most of those 24 days, very few people have made me feel very special. Birthday “parties” were no fun, not planned with me in mind and consisted of shitty cake and family. I never really had enough friends to make a party worth while anyway.

When I worked at Sam’s Club, the only birthday greeting I got other than my room mates was the electric punch clock displaying “happy birthday.” That made me sad that day, but tomorrow I just want to hide in my office and take computers apart until the day is over. Secretly, I’ve always wanted a surprize party.

If I ever get one, it will be a huge surprize because I don’t know anyone who cares enough to throw me one.

So anyway, if you need me tomorrow, I’ll be at the shop… sulking, knee-deep in computer parts.

Stereotype Survey from Myspace

06.11.2006

PREPPY
[] You spend half an hour doing your hair.
[] You go tanning.
[] You watch The OC and/or Laguna Beach.
[] Fone covers broken
[X] You own something designer.
[X] You love going to the mall. (dirt mall yes, plaza no)
[] You like Paris Hilton.
[X] You take your cellphone everywhere.
[] You own an iPod and/or an MP3 player.
[] You love Starbucks.
[] You love flip flops.
Total x’s = 3
[GOTH]
[] Red or black is one of your favorite colors.
[x] You think about death often.
[] You wear chains.
[] You like heavy metal.
[x] You love Hot Topic.
[] You have worn black lipstick.
[x] Your hair is dark.
[] You dislike preps.
[x] You’re an atheist.
[x] You have/want piercings in unusual places? (Eyebrow, nose, lip, tongue, bellybutton, etc.) [I used to on my chin and weenie.]
Total x’s = 5

[PUNK/SKATER]
[] You can skateboard.
[x] You wear plaid.
[x] You love Converse.
[x] You think you’re different.
[x] You hate your school.
[x] You have moshed.
[x] You have/want blue, purple, or green hair. (I want green!)
[x] You love skater boys/girls.
[] You hate pink.
[] You hate rich kids.
[x] You like bands like Offspring and Sum 41
Total x’s = 8

[NERD]
[x] You have friends that meet the standards below
[x] You get picked on by upperclassmen a lot
[] You wish you were bad.
[x] You love computers.
[x] You like Star Trek.
[] You wear glasses.
[] You get straight A’s.
[x] You love reading.
[] You have a curfew. [how can I have a curfew if I don’t have friends.] 
[] You always do your homework.
[] You never cut school.
Total x’s = 5

[EMO]
[x] You’re depressed.
[] You have black-rimmed glasses.
[] You like the band Thursday.
[x] You comb your hair in front of your face.
[] You cry easily.
[] You have been called emo.
[x] You keep a journal/diary.
[x] You have written a sad poem.
[] You have had a sad MySpace layout.
[] You have cut yourself before
Total x’s = 4

[GHETTO/GANGSTA]
[] You have bitches all over the place.
[] Every other sterotype talks shit about you but you don’t give a (bleep) because you’re getting (l&%d later. (teehee. I wish)
[x] You like rap.
[] You wear Tag.
[] You say “nigga” frequently.
[] You wear rubberbands in your pants.
[x] You swear
[]You have had a freestyling contest.
[x] You have said “fo shizzle”.
[] You have been called a “playa”.
[] You wear Converse with the tongue flipped out.
Total x’s = 3

[SCENE/HARDCORE]
[] You wear lots of things on your wrists
[x] You like Lynyrd Skynyrd
[] You wear a bandana.
[x]You love Pokemon, the Ninja Turtles, etc.
[] You never walk anywhere.
[x] You wear slip-on Vans.
[] You like Norma Jean.
[] You wear band tees.
[] You love to “hardcore” dance.
[x]Your hair has been dyed in more than one color.
[] You will kill if called a satanist
Total x’s = 4

I guess I fit the Punk/Skater stereotype the best.

Free Monkey

06.09.2006

I like browsing the giveaway section on Craigslist and I totally found someone in petaluma giving away their pet monkey. It was one of those little capuchin monkies that organ grinders and pirates have.

I’m sad it’s gone now. I wanted a monkey.

49 Degrees

06.06.2006

Jesus Tapdancing Christ, Bodega Harbor is freakin’ cold. I tried snorkeling at Duran Beach but Alia didn’t want to go too deep so there was nothing to see.

I found a live sand dollar on the beach so I sent him back to his home (never knew what a live one looked like) and I caught some of those green spotted crabs that chill in crevases on the jetty.

I also learned that there is no part on a crab’s body you can hold her by that she can’t reach back and pinch the shit out of you.

All and all, it was a fun day of 49 degree water and debating whether peeing in the wetsuit is a good idea or a bad idea.

(I didn’t.)

I am a Person

06.01.2006

I am not a figment of your imagination and I am not an actor in your play. I have real feelings and real thoughts. If I wrong you, ignoring me will not make me disappear into the place where deleted files go, nor will it make me understand what I did wrong. I’m still here, even if you won’t tell me why you don’t want me to be. If you were a person of sound character, even if I hurt you unforgivably, you would talk to me about it or at least shoot me an email about it.

I may be the only problem of yours that ever went away by ignoring it, but that doesn’t make it right.