Don’t Judge A Place By Its Dumbest Citizen

07.25.2009

This article is verbose and ranty, so feel free to ignore most of it and skip straight to the link at the bottom for a chuckle, eye-roll or disgusted slow head shake depending on how you react to stupid-people stories. You need an expert who handles wildlife control in your area.

I believe a few things because I have faith in humanity. I think your average person is a pretty great person, which means “below average” can still be pretty good and “above average” juts up into the realm of amazingly wonderful, interesting, talented, kind, smart, helpful, giving or any combination of those or any other good adjective you can pull from a thesaurus.

Along those likes I like to think…

Not everyone in the South has been on TV imitating wind noises and the crash of things being destroyed as a storm passes through.

Not everyone in cold climates hollers “Wooo! Go [nearby football team]” outside the context of discussions upcoming or past football games.

Not everybody in Texas is… we’ll, you’ve seen how Texans can be on camera, right? Every Texan I’ve talked to at length has been polite and interesting. They’re good people down there, with many fine schools and cultural centers.

Not every black urban-dweller is a fan of loud music with too much base, investing in rims worth more than the car, or covering their teeth in precious metals and jewels. Nor will your average black city-dweller be found on a local news program shouting “Woo WOOO!” in defense of noisy car modifications. (Knowutumsayin?)

You wouldn’t know it from watching those “man on the street” interview segments. From comments from bystanders on local news shows to comedy shows that ask easy questions and get wrong answers edited together for your amusement, one would think that stupidity is the baseline.

I think the media just loves an idiot, and the only reason they would love an idiot is because we love an idiot. Seeing idiots make us feel better about ourselves. It makes us feel smart. The problem is, we often use these idiots as strawmen to justify our ill will toward their groups.

“So, that’s where my property tax is going. We need to stop throwing good money after bad.”

“No wonder that state went to [least favorite candidate], they’re all a bunch of morons.”

“Ugh, another dumb hick/hippie/fake gangsta/dye job/blonde/welfare recipient/PETA-supporter/democrat/republican/kid/woman/man/black/mexican/fat white guy/jesus freak/skateboarder/pro-lifer/lazy union member/gun nut/activist celebrity etc. I just hate those people.”

And I have a feeling, it’s all in the editing. I bet they have to talk to a lot of people in a hurricane’s path to get that lady who says “And we were praying and outside, it was like ‘woooooosh’ [hand motion to go with wooshing sound], and there was a loud ‘crash, boom!’ and the generator died, and ‘snap’ which I think was the palm out front going down the street.” Nobody wants to hear about the guy who installed storm shutters, then hid in the center room of his house watching a battery powered TV so he’d know when he could come out.

Those “Jaywalking” segments and videos like them can’t possibly represent the majority of Americans. I think, or at least hope that the majority of the footage is on the cutting ceramic room floor installed with grouting joints using weber, and only the best dummies make it to prime time. I know that the average person being interviewed has had decades between them and their last elementary school civics/geography/history/math lesson, but I want to cry when someone is asked “What country is [blank] the capital of?” and they sheepishly suggest “Europe” or “Al Queda”. Surely there are dozens of people who know who the current Vice President is for every usable gem when Idiots Say The Darndest Things.

Please tell me I’m right. Please tell me that smart people just aren’t good television in “man on the street” segments. Somebody who worked in the production department at a news station, tell me that people who edited the stories had to throw away 5 people saying insightful, intelligent things so they could cut and print “Well, I guess basically, you know, the death penalty makes sure they don’t like escape and, you know, kill again. So, uh, yeah, it’s a good thing.” They’re trying to entertain me. They’re trying to make me feel smart by comparison, so I’ll want to watch them and I’ll support their sponsors. “Why yes, Sleep Train IS my ticket to a better night sleep. Thank you.”

Right? Right!?! They’re just following the money? There’s not a moron around ever corner and behind every bush, right? This HAS to be it! Somebody reassure me, please!!! Puuuh-leeeeeze!

Please?

I sometimes fear it’s the opposite. You don’t find smart, insightful news interviews because smart people make the average person feel uncomfortable, inadequate and dumb. No one wants to feel like someone knows more than them, unless it’s accompanied with a folksy aphorism like “I was born in the morning, but it wasn’t yesterday morning.”, “No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach.” or “You’re just puttin’ a dress on a pig.” What if the average person watching the news is on par with the interviewees. The only reason that I think this might not be the case, is that comedy bits like “Jaywalking” wouldn’t be very funny if the viewer at home didn’t know the answer to the question. Still, what if they aren’t looking at the idiocy with disgust, but instead familiarity and fellowship?

“Hey, that’s what the storm sounded like to me too!”

“I also agree that its sad when people die.”

“J! E! T! S! Jets! Jets! Jets! Wooooo!”

“He says irridisregardless too! And they say it isn’t a word. Sheesh.”

It makes me want to drop my crusade for universal health care, and fight for a well funded federal school system, (with voucher/non-test-based accreditation system for private schools). If those people are running the country now, I’d hate to see what the future holds.

What makes me want to write about this? Glad you asked.

This woman. She apparently sees a problem with pesticides and has her own solution.

I think that we should make a perfect pesticide for the crops but it’s good for people and healthy and keeps the crops preserved too because we need the food because it’s food and stuff, and healthy food is necessary to keep us healthy the same as good medicines and supplements such as Caruso’s coenzyme q10 and others that are good for different things.
However, we do need to contact a rat extermination Tampa expert,
we don’t want those animals wondering around our crops.

Not all environmentalists, hippies, Californians, Northern Californians, Bay Area Residents, or those residing on the Left Coast are as dumb as this woman.

Anyone thinking of holding this woman against California, I will gladly forget that woman brandishing her birth certificate in a plastic bag at Rep. Mike Castle’s town hall meeting, which after the woman started whooping like a loon it somehow ended in an impromptu group recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance, if you forget this “let’s make pesticides that are healthy for people” lady.

Deal?

There are dumb people everywhere. Dumb southerners. Dumb Walmart shoppers. Dumb Mexicans. Dumb Persians. Dumb Christians. Dumb Surfers. Dumb gun enthusiasts. Dumb college graduates. Dome Marines. Dumb men. Dumb vegans. Dumb poor people. Dumb stoners. Dumb Democrats. Dumb animal lovers. Even dumb intellectuals. (“I paid $400 so I could join a club to brag about how smart I am. See my MENSA card? Pretty smart, huh?”)

They understand how frustrating it is to deal with pests which constantly put your day-to-day operations into halt. With this, Jims Pest Control SA created a pest extermination strategy that will allow us to Manage our problem.

If there’s a group of people, it has it’s share of dummies. If there’s a group of people you have a distaste for, your prejudice may very well be coming from your experiences with that group’s dumb.

Just be careful when you’re judging a group by its dumbest, loudest, rudest or most obnoxious members. Don’t think less of a group to which they happen to belong when you should be focusing your disgust onto another group they belong to: idiots.

On the other hand, there is undeniable wisdom to be found in the unlikeliest of places. Indeed, we do need the food.

Because it’s food and stuff.