There’s spoilers in this review. I’m far too lazy to install some sort of onClick or onMouseOver javascript thingy on my blog. I’m going to mark the spoilers, but if hearing about movies before you see them bothers you, you might want to skip this.

Alright, this movie was awesome. I’m hard pressed to think of a time I enjoyed rolling my eyes and groaning so much.

First off, the acting was horrible. Even though the special effects looked like they had to have been expensive, they used a lot of those editing tricks of the scary B-movies of old that were meant to save money, but in this case I think it’s more homage than limited budget. The plot was silly, and even though I don’t normally dig horror movies that pick off the cast one by one (totally a George A. Ramero rip-off/tribute), the whole movie was fun in spite of itself. It’s like junk food. I enjoyed it in the same way I enjoyed Janet Evonavich books. It’s junk food for the mind. Salty, fried, greasy mind food.

I didn’t expect to enjoy a movie about an Archangel, and yet I did. The thing is, I think that in the same way that a religious person would like Book of Eli, this movie might very well offend followers of Abrahamic religions. I’m an outsider, so I can only imagine how much this movie would piss of religious people, but you see, the plot of this movie is…

[spoilers below]

The god of the Bible/Torah/Old testament exists, as do his army of angels led by his Archangel generals like Michael and Gabriel. As an atheist, I always say “If you really believe that the God of the old testament really did the things in the Bible, like the Great Flood, how can you have any respect for such a cruel and unjust creature, let alone worship him?” In this movie, God is the bad guy, and his zombie minions of terror are none other than his loyal angels.

Although it ends with the unseen, but often referenced, God being somewhat redeemed. he is portrayed as a literal interpretation of the God of Abraham with all the human-like flaws that non-believers like me see in that interpretation. He’s the kind of person who is a slave to his emotions and known for throwing out the baby with the bathwater (or flood water), but you can kind of relate. I mean, if I was as powerful as God and lost faith in humanity, I just might be so corrupt from my power that I would have a “Kill ’em all and let Me sort ’em out” mentality. I’m a little surprised I haven’t heard more outrage over a movie where God and his Army of Heaven are unmistakably the villains.

There’s a couple vague plot devices that never make sense or are explained. Maybe I’ll find more satisfaction listening to the commentary track on the DVD.

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